...No, you will not get a brand new phone.
A man came on the line, and he was angry. Livid. I was able to get my "appreciation" in and my "initial response" in, but after that he went on a 5 minute long tangent on what my company was going to do for him. What I was going to process for him, or else.
"My wife's phone isn't working and this is unacceptable! I've already troubleshooted the device. We've already done everything and it's all on the account, so I'm done with this. Give me a new phone. Just give me a new phone! You're going to send me out a new phone for this--I'm done troubleshooting, we've done it all. So you send it out right now. I don't want a refurbished phone--I want a NEW PHONE." He spat through the call.
I tried my best to position troubleshooting the device despite him refusing to tell me what is going on with the phone. I let him know that I'm very skilled in getting cellphones to behave, so I'd love to have a go at getting his phone working because I know how frustrating it can be to lose information with a phone you can't turn on and switching devices.
He pretty much repeats the previous paragraph. And now 15 minutes have passed. Great. I should have had this solved by now and on to the next customer. He is still insistent; and finally I realize I need to be more direct with him.
"I understand your frustration, sir. It is my goal to help you and resolve your concerns. However, I will not replace your phone with a certified like new replacement until we've troubleshooted your phone."
I made a point to call it "certified like new" so he knew we aren't in the business of ordering new phones. I don't even have the choice to choose a new phone by sku or otherwise when I process a warranty replacement...
"What the !@#$?! You're going to !@#$ing replace my phone with a brand new !@#$ing phone! I am tried of this $%#&. I am paying for a warranty on this damn phone and I expect to get a brand new !@#$ing phone for it! I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE A USED GODDAMN PHONE. !@#$ING REPLACE MY PHONE. REPLACE IT NOW!--"
"Sir, I definitely understand your reason for frustration. I am doing my best to help you today, however I am having a difficult time understanding you due to some of the choice words you're using. I'd really appreciate it if we could be more civil with one another." I interrupted and responded in a quiet tone (people tend to quiet down if you do in tone).
He paused a moment, as if he was surprised I called him out on his childish temper tantrum. However, it was only momentarily.
"YOU'RE !@#$ING WORTHLESS! I WANT TO SPEAK TO A !@#$ING MANAGER RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE WORTHLESS. !@#$ING WORTHLESS--"
"Please, sir. I am more than empowered to help you today."
"THEN REPLACE MY !@#$ING PHONE WITH A BRAND NEW ONE. NOW!!!"
"Thank you for your patience. We would be more than happy to replace your phone for you with a certified like new replacement once we have completed all troubleshooting steps." Mind you, I was being as kind as I could. None of my words or tone of voice was out of spite or in attempt to be difficult.
"NOOOOOOOOO! GIVE ME A !@#$ING MANAGER. LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR @#$ING MANAGER RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE !@#$ING WORTHLESS."
At this point, I could have gotten him to our escalation department, which isn't a group of supervisors. But he didn't let me do anything with his phone or account. He denied me the ability to run a diagnostic on his phone in question, and we weren't getting anywhere. I wasn't going to cost the company another $30 dollars to transfer him to the escalations department (yes, every transfer in a company costs it money), who were going to tell him the same thing as me.
"[Name], I am not going to transfer you to a supervisor. You haven't given me the opportunity to help you."
Incomprehensible words and he hung up. He didn't say goodbye, and if someone listened to the call there's no way that someone could know for sure it was an intentional hangup. So... I had to call him back.
He didn't answer and I left a very kind message on his voicemail about where he can get support -- over the phone, online, at a store -- and if he's calling in to troubleshoot to call in from a device other than the one we're troubleshooting.
He did call back, which connected him to another representative, which hurt my stats for 3 day repeats. Evidently he admitted that he had broken and damaged his phone. He never shared that with me. That was a game changer... the warranty doesn't cover damage to the phone. Only manufacturer defects.